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Not Quite Thirty-One Ways To Celebrate It's my birthday, my birthday, my biiiiiiiiiiirthday today. I am thirty-one. 3-1. How did I get here? (How the hell? Pan left! Close on the steeple of the church...) On Saturday night I had a fabulous fun-due party with four kinds of fondue, and it was a smashing success and all of my friends got along terrifically and much wine was imbibed and oh my, did the vultures descend when the chocolate and caramel course came out complete with port. Hell-o. I must say, I threw a hell of a party. I received fine gifts. I didn't overeat. It was fab-yoo-lus. Sadly, Greg's uncle died on Friday morning and he left on Sunday to attend the funeral in Ohio. I couldn't go because of work. He's coming back Tuesday or Wednesday, so I am alone til then. My husband is at a funeral, people, and I am here. (Alone. On my birthday. And not able to be so much with the comforting, seeing as you can only comfort so much on the phone.) So all of you, yes, all of you must help me celebrate my birthday. I'm all alone here, people. The house is creaky. I have to work. I had crackers for dinner. Isn't that sad? So that being said, I offer up this list of things you can do (shamelessly stolen from other journalers in the past): 1. Send me happy birthday email. Or ecards. The cheesier the better. Hello, at least two-hundred-plus-people, fill my inbox! 2. Have some Oreos. You don't have to have thirty-one, but have a couple. Bonus points if you have them in a milkshake. 3. Buy yourself flowers. 4. Re-name one of your stuffed animals after me. (Or one of your pets. Or one of your children.) 5. Re-write a famous song. Turn it into an ode to me! Tell me about it! 6. Do something random and kind - buy the coffee of the guy in line behind you; hold the door open for that old woman with the grocery bags; pay the toll of the car behind you; wave at the jerk who cut you off instead of making a road rage-y gesture. 7. Read something trashy. Cosmo works, although that's too trashy even for me anymore. Nora Roberts novels? Harry Potter fanfiction? Starsky and Hutch fanfiction? Maxim? 8. Read a poem out loud, preferably to someone else. Bonus points if it's a Melissa favorite like Litany or Lines composed a few miles above Tintern Abbey or Ode To the West Wind. 9. Vote for Kimberley Locke on American Idol. (You have to wait til Tuesday for this one.) 10. Sing showtunes in public. Any showtune will do. Bonus points if you get someone to sing a duet with you. 11. Have a big slab of cake, and don't let the ice cream touch it. Think of me. 12. Recycle something. Anything. Especially if you usually write off recycling as a waste of time. 13. Call your mom! Tell her you love her! Tell her I told you to do it! 14. Go for a long walk if it's sunny. A long, glorious walk under the spring sky. If it's raining, curl up in the fetal position and curse the weather gods. 15. Mention me in your journal entry! Hell, just write a journal entry for me to read! (Don't forget to tell me about it.) 16. Eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Bonus points if you have them in a milkshake. (What? Theme? No.) 17. Make a mix CD inspired by me. Make a mix CD of songs you think I would like. Make a mix CD of songs you think I would hate. Send it to me. 18. If you pay for something today and there's a donation box at the register, put all your change in it. (Unless it's evil, like "Sponsor the Ku Klux Klan." But I didn't need that qualifier, right?) 19. Take your car through the car wash. It's fun! Big swirly brushes! Huge blow dryer! Soapy spray! Does it get better than that? 20. Go to dinner with your friend or your spouse or your partner or your pet or your parents. When they ask why you wanted to go out to dinner, make sure to tell them that it's my birthday. 21. Go to Baskin-Robbins. Ask for a sample of all thirty-one flavors in honor of me. (Thanks Michele! 22. Think of something really creative, do it, and tell me about it! Because you know what? It was really, really hard to come up with twenty. I will add more to the list if there are suggestions in some of those two hundred emails I expect to start rolling in right about... Now. |
