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Reader Questions, Round Three First, a question from myself: Self, are you ever going to write about the Vancouver section of the honeymoon? Er...uh... More reader questions! The newly engaged Eliza asks: How did you survive planning a wedding without going insane? Heh. Which time, Eliza? The first wedding I did go insane. I went insane primarily because I was A. marrying the wrong person, but yeah, hindsight, and B. I was trying to please everyone and stopped thinking about what I really wanted. I converted to Catholicism, for one thing - a religion I don't really agree with. That was (with the exception of actually going through with the wedding) the dumbest thing I did, and caused me no end of stress. And then there were lots of other fun things - like, my mom didn't want to be seated with my dad at the "parents' table." And by the time we got to the wedding day I hated my wedding dress (which I'd ordered over two years before). And my mother-in-law insisted on a corsage that didn't match any of the other flowers in any way, shape, or form - just like her dress didn't either. (No, I'm not a freak about these things, but when the bridesmaids are in burgundy and my mom is in pale, pale pink, yes, your flaming fuschia dress does in fact stand out, and so does the fact that you're wearing a big-ass flaming fuschia orchid while everyone else is wearing some tasteful little alstromeria, but that's neither here nor there.) The second wedding, of course, was much smaller. There was no church, no tables for ten, no altar arrangements, no DJ, no limo, no bridal party. Greg and I kept ourselves from going insane by doing everything exactly the way we wanted it, no compromises. I didn't want to wear white so I didn't. We didn't want religious readings so we didn't have them. I wanted Kymm's pictures so we hired her. We bought chocolate mice for favors because they were cute. We had the people we loved best there (with a few exceptions that couldn't come) - our closest family members and the friends who long ago crossed the line from friend to family. It was simple, casual, and perfectly perfect in every way. (Not that you would really know that, since I still haven't told you about it - but I promise, that's coming too.) I did most of my research on the internet. We knew how much we wanted to spend and we didn't compromise on that. We knew what was important - a good lunch and photography - and we spent the most money on those things. I didn't need a four hundred dollar bouquet or a thousand dollar dress. I wore shoes I already had and got my jewelry from Macy's. We didn't go insane because we refused to let it get out of control - out of our control. Most weddings get out of control for two reasons: 1. the bride is obsessed with either "how it should be" or "how she has pictured it since she was five" or 2. it becomes all about what the parents want and ceases to reflect what it should reflect: the relationship between the bride and groom. (For the party two weeks later, we did go insane. Don't ever try to make food for eighty. Just...don't.) Cathy asks: What's been the best thing about keeping an online journal--besides the friends you've made? Keeping the journal online has simply helped me to keep a journal, period. I used to write in a paper journal all the time when I was younger, but gradually got out of the habit. The online journal has really helped me to keep a record of my life over the past four years, and re-reading my archives (which I do fairly frequently, at least in chunks) lets me look back and see where I was emotionally during different periods, if I've grown since then, etc. So while the friends are absolutely the number one best thing about this, the personal record is the second-best thing. What, if anything, did you regret writing about in your journal? I haven't really regretted writing anything. I've taken a lot of my archives down - mostly stuff having to do with an old relationship - but that was because having moved beyond it, I wanted the journals from that time period to be private once more. I try hard not to write anything that might hurt someone's feelings if they found it. God knows enough people that know me have found this (hi people!) and while I don't mind that they are reading, it does cause me to censor myself about certain subjects and people. That's my choice, though. And that segues into Cathy's third and final question: Do you think it's fair to ask people you know in real life not to read No, I don't think it's fair - so I don't. I've had several friends admit to me that they found my journal, and I always tell them I don't mind if they read it. It's online, it's public, it's findable. I recently had a situation where a friend told someone I don't like at all about the journal, and that bothered me a lot. But again - it's public, it's findable. I know the risks. I do prefer that people who know me email me and tell me they're reading (I've gotten back in touch with a couple of people that way - hi Ray!), but again, not much I can do if they don't. I choose to be here, and that choice brings the possibility that someone will read whether I like it or not. I think that people who "forbid" people they know to read their journal are fooling themselves. First of all, that's the way to get people to flock to it - forbid someone to read something, and of course they're going to read compulsively. Second of all, this is, after all, the internet. If you want to keep your journal private, keep it private. Password protect it, or be completely anonymous, or keep a paper journal - but you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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